


They Came from Planet Earth

by roidadidou



Category: Animaniacs, Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies, Pinky and the Brain
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 21:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10862226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roidadidou/pseuds/roidadidou
Summary: “A large portion of the humans on this planet are concerned with how our government is affecting the environment. Deforestation, extinction and other problems are always in the back of their minds.”“However, these people can say they care about polar bears and baby seals; but what they’re actually concerned with is their own wellbeing. My solution; we will colonize the planet of Mars, and emigrate any human who wants to leave this planet to our new colony, which will be ruled by yours truly.”





	They Came from Planet Earth

The electrical, buzzing sound of a welding project filled the empty night. Not a cloud overhead - allowing perfect view of the stars. Pinky sat and stared up into infinity, occasionally handing Brain a tool or a metal scrap to solder to his project.  


“Now, Pinky, are you familiarized with tonight’s plan?” Brain asked, lifting up his welding mask and turning to his cohort.  


“Nope! Haha!”  


Brain sighed.  


“Very well - I’ll explain once more.” He unrolled the blueprint, laying it out in front of Pinky and sitting down next to him.  


“A large portion of the humans on this planet are concerned with how our government is affecting the environment. Deforestation, extinction and other problems are always in the back of their minds.  


However, these people can say they care about polar bears and baby seals; but what they’re actually concerned with is their own wellbeing. My solution; we will colonize the planet of Mars, and emigrate any human who wants to leave this planet to our new colony, which will be ruled by yours truly.”  


Pinky clapped his hands together.  


“Oh, brilliant, Brain! You astound me! No, no, wait…”  


Brain’s ego flushed from his face as he waited for Pinky to finish.  


“What if Martians are already there? They won’t want to give up their home very easily, no.”  


“Pinky, there is no life on Mars. Carbon-based life forms need a steady source of water to keep themselves alive, and Mars is devoid of any such resource.” Brain replied. Pinky nodded in newfound agreement.  


“Back on topic, our ship is completed, and stored with enough food to last us the whole trip. Put on your suit, and we’ll be ready for intergalactic travel.”  


Suits donned, seats buckled, and Brain tapping buttons and flipping levers on the control panel, their spaceship was ready to go.  


“Is this safe, Brain?” Pinky asked from his designated first-mate chair.  


“I checked over my calculations multiple times, Pinky. But there is always a chance this ship could catastrophically explode while trying to leave the atmosphere, reducing us to ashes.”  


Pinky nodded, admiring the levers and switches.  


“Well, yes, that’s always a bother, isn’t it?”  


Had the ship been much larger, the takeoff would have been much more entertaining to watch. But the ship was designed to fit two mice and their equipment; and when the countdown was finished, all that was left was the putter of smoke as the ship zoomed farther away from the ground below.  


“Just one question, Brain,” The first mate asked as the force of gravity pushed him back into his seat, as if the chair were made of soft cotton (it was, but the leather covering it made it feel less so.)  


“What is it?” The captain replied, also being compressed into his chair.  


“If there’s nothing on Mars that lets Martians live, how will people from Earth be able to live there?”  


“That’s easy, Pinky - we can siphon the resources we need from nearby planets and astral bodies. Jupiter’s moons have more water than a human’s insignificant digestive system can process.”  


While his question was answered, Pinky felt that Brain had just talked for much longer than he needed to. But he felt that way quite often, so he said nothing back.  


The empty vacuum of space is quite large, but when your ship travels a majority portion of the speed of light, it takes less time to get where you want to go then you’d expect. Brain returned to his control panel as the red surface of Mars drew closer and closer to their ship, and with careful maneuvering, they made a safe landing.  


“Now, Pinky, remember; my respiratory system requires more oxygen than yours because of my abnormally powerful brain. When we leave the ship, every second must be spent towards our objective.”  


“Poit! Sounds like that'll be real useful information in about five minutes!”  


“Nevermind. Just… Try to be a little less of a nuisance than normal.”  


They pulled both of their helmets on, strapped on their oxygen tanks, and exited the ship. As soon as Brain set foot on Martian soil, he stuck a large metal rod into the ground. The very top of the rod had a red light that beeped rhythmically.  


“What’s that, Brain?”  


“A marker that allows our global positioning system to remember where our ship is. If we’re in danger, we won’t be lost.”  


Pinky ‘oo’ed’ and ‘aah’ed’ at Brain’s technology, and then they were on their way. Brain held out various scanners which beeped frequently and displayed confusing numbers and graphs.  


“Now, I was planning that we could develop an agricultural society… Much like the early days of Rapa Nui, but, you know, without the eventual dystopian corruption and possible cannibalism.” He said as he tapped calculations into his calculators.  


Their day was spent collecting rock samples and recording information. When Brain's oxygen tank beeped to signify it was half empty, they returned to the ship.  


They dined on cheap government cheese while Brain examined their findings.  


“I don't say this often, but we've struck good luck today. We just might finally succeed!” He said, his voice leaving the usual monotone. Pinky swallowed his mouthful, glaring at the camera with an expression that could only be described as ‘get a load of this guy, eh?’  


Their cheese lunches had been finished, and they donned their suits to once again venture into the unknown. What Brain forgot, however, was to refill his oxygen tank.  


This time, they dared to go farther, continuing their research-oriented journey. Their weightless footsteps left hardly any print on the planet's dusty surface.  


This heavily contrasted with the large shoe prints they just found in front of them.  


“That's odd…” The shorter mouse muttered.  


“It's a Martian, Brain!”  


“Don't be stupid! It's… just an imprint from a strangely-shaped rock.”  


“No, your friend is correct.” Came a voice behind them. When the mice turned, they saw a figure looming over them. To anyone else, he would have been short. To the mice, he was monstrous.  


Two white eyes stared daggers at them on an inky black face with no other features. His outfit was unconventional, reminiscent of a Spartan warrior. And in his gloved hand, he gripped a ridiculously-designed gun, which from it emanated a high hum as it prepared to fire.  


Pinky gasped, shaking Brain's arm.  


“It's Marvin the Martian! Oh, he's my favorite, Brain! Narf! Marvin, Marvin, I love your cartoons!”  


Marvin lowered his gun, or at least, lowered it more than it had already been as it pointed at them.  


“Aw, do you really?” He shook his head from the distraction, aiming again.  


“State your purpose, invaders!”  


Brain stepped forward.  


“We are only humble travelers from Earth-”  


“Earth?”  


“Yes. As I was saying-”  


“As far as my research shows, Earthlings do not have the technology capable of traveling this far away from their native planet.”  


“Well, I don't intend to brag, but my cerebrum operates at a much higher capacity than the average-”  


“So the inhabitants of Earth are evolving… Interesting, very interesting indeed.” Marvin stroked his chin.  


“I, uh, wouldn't say that-”  


He was interrupted differently, this time by a piercing whistle made by Marvin holding two fingers below his eyes.  


“Troz! How'd he do that?” Pinky asked. A shadow draped over them, and a green hand squeezed them both in one grip like squeaky toys, accompanying noise included.  


They had been captured by one of Marvin’s Instant Martians, a strange and bird-like creature dotted with pink polka dots.  


“Take them to my laboratory and prepare them for vivisection,” Marvin said. The other Martian saluted.  


It appeared to be a long trek to wherever Marvin lived. The Martian and the mice were silent. For a while.  


“Brain, how'd he do that?”  


“What?”  


“How did Marvin whistle without a mouth?”  


“... I'll tell you when you're older.”  


The mention of an oral cavity gave Brain an idea.  


“Pinky,” he whispered. “your mention of an oral cavity gave me an idea.”  


“Zort?”  


“Get ready to run.” He said.  


He pulled the latch of his helmet, and oxygen fumed outwards in billows. The Martian stopped walking, intrigued, only to have Brain snap down on his thumb with the full force of his jaw. The Martian squealed, dropping the mice. Brain pulled his helmet secure as both he and Pinky took off. The Martian cried out, alerting his allies in the area of their escape.  


“Poit! Andale, andale! Arriba, arriba! Haha!” Pinky chortled, wondering in the back of his mind if there would be any repercussion to his microaggression.  


Brain's tank began to beep as he ran.  


“Oh, no!” He remarked. But there was no time to slow down. His breaths began to grow heavier, and his chest turned tight. He tripped, falling on his stomach. Pinky stopped, plodding over to him with bounding steps.  


“Brain, get up!” He urged him. Brain, gasping for air, looked up at his partner.  


“Tank… Empty... I'm… Done for…” He sighed. Pinky grinded his jaw in fear, looking behind his friend as the Martians drew closer.  


As he fell unconscious, Pinky stood over him, making a quick decision. He pulled at the pipes and tubes of his own tank, taking a deep breath as it came loose. He kicked Brain's tank out of place, latching his own in in replacement.  


As Brain drew in air, he felt himself being lifted up, and then kicked swiftly in the rump. He went flying, arms flailing ahead of him, and landed softly only a few meters in front of their ship.  


Pinky waved for the attention of the Martians, and the megalomaniac turned around to see his only companion, limp in the hands of their captors.  


“Pinky!” He cried out fearfully, then replacing fear with anger. He quickly ran into the ship, slamming down into his seat and manning the controls. The ship lifted off, puttering again into the red Martian sky.  


Marvin examined the nearly-dead mouse on the table as he comically pulled rubber gloves over his regular gloves.  


“Oh my, oh my… I was hoping for a vivisection, those are always so much more fun…” He remarked to his soldiers.  


Suddenly, the top window of the building shattered, scattering pieces of glass everywhere.  


“Dimwits! You let the other one go?” The featureless alien scolded. A robotic arm fell from the bottom panel of the ship, lifting Pinky in its grasp. Marvin and his army of bird people threw their hands up to try and reach their test subject, but none were successful. Marvin groaned loudly in disappointment.  


The arm retracted into the ship, the bottom panel shut, and the vessel sped away into the atmosphere.  


“That makes me angry, very angry indeed!” The alien pouted.  


The ship, now resting outside of Mars, stood still in the black sky.  


Brain kneeled down next to Pinky, who lay unconscious. He pulled his helmet off, to no response.  


“Pinky?”  


He set his ear to his friend's mouth, waiting to feel warm breath, or any sign of life. When he didn't sense anything, he pinched Pinky's nose, intending to resuscitate him.  


But just then, Pinky shot up, knocking their foreheads together. Brain fell backward, moaning and rubbing his temple.  


“Brain!” Pinky stated happily.  


“Pinky!” Brain looked up, forgetting his injury.  


"I think my new favorite is Road Runner.”  


“That's understandable.”  


They got up, dusted themselves off, and sat in their respective seats.  


“You know, Brain, if you wanted a kiss, you could have asked,” Pinky said, in a comically patronizing manner. Brain’s arms tensed over the controls.  


“That's not-...” He paused, rolling his eyes and looking back to the control panel.  


“Maybe later. But first, we must get back to Earth, and prepare for tomorrow night.”  


“Why? What are we doing tomorrow night?”  


“The same thing we do every night, Pinky; try to take over the world.”


End file.
